rah-ful-mao

i've been trying to find a reason for this blog. i don't know what it is supposed to be for me. is it a journal? is it a storage place for things i find interesting? is it just a jumble of everything it could possibly be? while i'd love for it to be a place i write, more often than not, i have nothing to say.

so i've come to a temporary conclusion: i will provide a service.

while i'm not a comic genius or a brilliant artist, i like to doodle. animals, robots, food, you name it and i'll try my best to draw it. because my abilities are limited, i keep it simple. the best description i can provide for my work is: one panel comic. i draw animals with BIG eyes. i draw puns [e.g. food fight]. i draw whatever it is that you want me to draw.

i figure this will eventually lead to me discovering what the heck it is i want to do here.

if you'd like to request a doodle, just comment.

i'll post some examples once the geek squad returns my scanner.

1-800-INTERNET

I'm not one to complain out loud. I don't like face-to-face or voice-to-voice confrontation. It unnerves me and forces me to think on my toes. I have one chance to say what I need to say. When it comes to any minor issue I just sit behind my computer screen and immerse myself in the simplicity* of the internet and written word. It gives me time to think, edit, delete, wait, and disappear. But right now, I'm on a medication that heightens my emotions. It makes me bold, irritable, and somewhat passive-aggressive. So when I saw the new facebook format, I felt it best to send them some feedback.

"Oh facebook. There are so many things that I love about you. You allow me to live vicariously through the internet. I'm not sure if you're aware, but you're actually real life. It's true. Nothing is real or concrete without it being real or concrete on facebook first. For the most part, I've been pleased with the way you work. Sure, there was that uproar when you opened your doors to more than just college and high school students. The news feed was a little unsettling when it first appeared on our homepages. Despite it all, we still loved you so much. We learned to accept your flaws. We convinced ourselves that you just wanted to share the joy with new demographics and help us keep tabs on people we'd forgotten about on this world wide web.

But facebook, this new format, this isn't a little change. This is a big change. Frankly, I'm unimpressed. I'm unimpressed to the point that I am taking time out my life to write to you. There are so many things that I do not like about this new format that I feel it most appropriate to simply bullet point and make a slight commentary on each component.

The Homepage: Maybe it’s the minimalist in me, my desire to keeps things concise, my issue with wasted space but I was a fan of the skinny sidebars and the compact news feed. I was a fan of the thin gray lines that bordered everything. It assured me that you were under control – that you had boundaries, limitations, etc. Now I feel like something is missing [re: left-hand sidebar] and it’s been replaced with an unacceptable amount of white space between text and images.

The Profile [Tab Navigation]: The thing about the old facebook profile is that it was simple. You went to the page and everything you wanted to know was right there in front of you. It allowed you to learn about somebody without feeling too invasive. I understand that you think we go to other people’s profiles so we can write on their walls. For the most part, that holds true. However, it is not the only reason. After we’ve commented, it’s nice to just browse. I scroll down, I scroll up, and I’m done and satisfied. Clicking tabs is a nuisance. It’s profile browsing with a purpose and whether you like it or not, on facebook, there is no purpose. When I click on a tab to get to a specific location, I feel lazy. I know it’s on the page, I can find it myself. I’m a big kid now! Facebook says so.

The Wall: Walls are for writing. Walls are not for “stories.” This is why we have a news feed.

The News Feed: Ok, I get it. Bobby Teenager is now friends with Mary Adolescent. How do I know this? I saw it on the news feed on my homepage. But facebook, you have my back. In case I forget, you have it right there for me in the middle of Bobby Teenager’s wall. It’s a good thing Bobby can’t get rid of the news feed on his wall either, otherwise I’d have to go back to my homepage to see whose wall he wrote on or if he discussed something on the “i ♥ The Office" group. Thank goodness you did that because for a minute there I almost completely forgot that I don't care. But I do care - I care so, so much.

The Boxes: I do not like applications. I think they’re annoying, overused, and eventually neglected so when I actually add an application, I want it to be seen. You’ve gone and packed away all my applications into a little box. Granted, I’m actually glad my profile isn’t as cluttered but I want the ability to get my LOLcats back on there. I don’t think you realize how many clicks I made to find the right one.

Facebook, you’ve turned my cyber-world upside down. I do love you. I’m just glad you gave me a button to take me back home."

coincidentally, i'm a fan of their meatballs

mu-sic: noun.
1. any sweet, pleasing, or harmonious sounds or sound
2. a universal language of human society
syn. life

welcome.

tonight i am here for swedish meatballs, swedish music, and mullets that are also swedish.

topic: günther, basshunter
viewpoint: really sweden, really?

i wish i could say i discovered the musical stylings of jonas erik altberg and mats söderlund because i'm really into my cultural background. but no. i can't. i have message boards to thank instead. i'm okay with that though. these guys have the internet to thank for their global success.

but who are they?

jonas erik altberg. aka basshunter. his music, fame, and lifestyle gives hope to computer geeks of all ages. he takes the pressing issues that face our [online] society and turns them into some fantastic techno beats.

song recommendation #1: DotA
i don't play WoW. i never plan to play WoW. i'd rather not be associated with WoW. but hot damn, i'll sing about it in swedish til the cows come home dripping with sweat and chewing their pacifiers after a long night of raving. mix lyrics about sitting in a dark room with about 50 people playing WoW and talking about how 1337 they are cuz they pwn n00bs with the fresh thumpa-thumpa found in clubs around the world and you get one of basshunter's hit songs. but how? how can something so blatantly nerdy be so blatantly awesome? it's probably because most people don't know swedish but who knows.. he is kind of a looker.

song recommendation #2: Boten Anna
he knows a[n IRC] bot. her name is anna. and boy does she ban SO hard. jonas is totes in love. but then that wench crushes his heart. how? she's not actually a bot. she's a real girl! [oh snap crackle and pop!] well whatevs. he'll just pretend anna is made of computer parts. that way his love is definitely reasonable, right?

song recommendation #3: Vifta Med Handerna
stop. collaborate and listen. think this kid's all techno? fo shiz he is. but techno includes remixes with white swedish rappers. basshunter gets together with patrik and lillen for clubbing, pimping, jumping, and hand waving. they have a pretty swell time gettin their fancy flute glass drink on. and being the bad boys that they are, they get kicked out da club. probs cuz they brought cheerleaders in to do some stunts and the club owners weren't down with the idea of major liability. that or the girl patrik/lillen hit on got a restraining order after having to bitch slap some n00bs.


mats söderlund. aka günther. swedish sexpert. this guy is a.b.s.r.d. [all 'bout sexual revolution... danceparty] you think i'm kidding? i'm not.. but sometimes i wish i was..

fun fact: all the successful musical sexual revolutions are in english, so no worries, günther planned accordingly.

song recommendation #1: Tutti Frutti Summer Love
it's a hot, hot summer night and it's full of bananas and melonas.. yeah! günther knows how to party and he brought a trampoline. everyone's obvs invited as long as you're a hot swede who's not afraid to show off yo bod-ay.

song recommendation #2: Teeny Weeny String Bikini
i don't know bout you but i came here to dance. and so did the sunshine girls. and the boys with the hand towels wrapped loosely around their hips to hid their speed[o] bump. yes. they are dancing the night away, swinging their heads from side to side with some sassy snaps. but watch out, mr. sexpert himself shows off his booty while the sunshine girls get close on the beach.

song recommendation #3: Ding Dong Song
no. it's not about twinkies but günther brought his hohos, the sunshine girls. as always it's a hot, hot summer night and everyone is hooking up with everyone else at the same time. günther's happy because their all touching his tra-la-la [which i assume is his porn stache..], mmm, his ding ding dong. and wait! that's not all! günther actually TAKES OFF his sunglasses and the world starts spinning in reverse.

final thoughts: umm. wow. tanks sweden. you've provided us with some of the best musical talent available. you guys def beat norway on the awesome scale.

hello internets

in-ter-nets: noun
a vast computer network linking smaller computer networks worldwide
syn. intrawebs, teh net, online, my new home.

welcome.

tonight i am here for serious business.
srsly.

topic: youtube.
viewpoint: optimistic.

media references. man's best attempt at conversation starters and continuers? i think so. irl i thrive off the quotes and mannerisms of fictional characters. it's just how i roll. people like it, people get it, so naturally people like and get me... most of the time. i have a habit of making obscure references though. things that go under the radar.

example: i don't "thanks", i say "tanks." usually one or two people know where i'm coming from, everyone else probably thinks i have a speech impediment. if everyone i talk to is left in the dark, what do i do? well, i have to go and explain to them that i'm an officeionado and who prison mike is.

but. you know. explanations can only go so far irl. it's just. limited. that's mainly why the internet has increased my level of funky fresh. see online, my references make sense. rather than confuse people with my paraphrased explanations i can just send them a youtube link of the clip.

example: yesterday, someone called me lame. i called them a horse. why? family guy. this quote "we aren't terrible people, lois. horses are terrible people" *cut to old lady drinking poisoned tea* "murderer!" *horse snickers.* wow, what a lengthy explanation. that didn't have any effect at all. but instead substitute that with this.

see? much easier to understand.

example: again, yesterday. same person. new convo via facebook. i coincidentally wrote the exact same thing on her wall that she had written on somebody else's wall only a few hours earlier. it was crazy - quebec style! so i told her i felt totally unoriginal and accompanied the comment with a youtube link that explained exactly how i was feeling.

see? totes convenient.

final thoughts: tanks youtube. you add flavor to my convos. if you were a spice, you'd probably be paprika. i don't really need you but you just so fly that i'll use you anyway.